


(this place is the same as it ever was)

by nextstopparis



Series: honey, i love you [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Allusions to death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, allusions to merthur, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28189863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nextstopparis/pseuds/nextstopparis
Summary: his bed is not uncomfortable.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), vaguely - Relationship
Series: honey, i love you [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843912
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	(this place is the same as it ever was)

**Author's Note:**

> im posting this from my phone. idk WHY im posting this. it makes NO SENSE. dont you dare read it i s2g
> 
> title from taylor swift’s ‘dorthea’

** [one] **

sunlight streams in and sets the floors aglow.

sunlight streams in and drenches everything in liquid gold.

sunlight streams in and pierces his eyes, but he gave up really looking at anything long ago, anyway.

sunlight’s still there

~~ but it shouldnt be. ~~

** [two] **

everything is red.

their capes

their eyes

their blood

~~ ( _his_ blood) ~~

and it burns right into his mind

and it brands him.

** [three] **

his bed is not uncomfortable. it’s small for his length, but he can curl in on himself. he’s always liked thinner mattresses. its warm in the winter and fine in the summer. 

his bed is not uncomfortable, and he falls asleep as easily as he ever did.

and when the nightmares 

~~(memories)~~

wake him up - and they  _do_ wake him up  \- he falls back to sleep easily, once he’s calmed down.

** [four] **

he’s restless.

he’s not himself.

he’s  _ lonely. _

** [five] **

he enters the royal chambers every morning and draws the blinds. 

~~ (there’s no lazy daisy) ~~

he goes on missions and cant use a sword without relying on his magic.

~~ (he doesn’t need to hide it) ~~

he throws himself in front of his friends because better him than them; because  _ he cant, he cant, he cant _

~~ (not again) ~~

** [six] **

there are still council meetings

and audiences

and wars

and feasts

and everything is the same;

just as it ever was.

(was he ever here at all?)

** [seven] **

~~nothing~~

** [eight] **

~~ nothing ~~

** [nine] **

everything is

~~ nothing is ~~ the same  ~~ at all. ~~

~~ different. ~~

** [ten]  **

it’s hollow

it’s empty

it’s a shell and mockery of itself.

nothing pure can be this horrible; this harrowing and consuming and painful. it’s -

it’s not real

it’s not real

it’s not real.

{it can’t be}

{it is}

**Author's Note:**

> im not gonna say thanks for reading bc you BETTER not hve read this. god. wtf WAS THAT. its so fun writing like this. its also 3am. jesus ok
> 
> [two] was heavily inspired by halsey lol


End file.
